Exhausted. It's the work, which is fast and hard and it does not stop for a pause. But I gotta do this, I gotta make sure my family is okay, and pay the rent, bring food to the table. Mom's health is not good, and she is actually complaining about it now, which is new since she is not one to complain. Nanda is not going to school as he should, and Rasa... Rasa is okay. 

Once again, Adrenalina canceled the show on me, but I am actually happy about it because I was pretty exhausted anyhow, and this weekend I can focus on getting my INE fixed and going to get my tooth pulled out, also making sure I acquire an appointment at the ISSTE for mom.

Priorities.

I have no idea how I will make it to the states to get my SSI check back, but it's a priority. The lawsuit is a priority. For the moment, focus on my job, keeping it and paying my bills. That's the whole plan.  The bazzillion projects I have, Popocatepetl, my tarot, tarot classes, etc. They have to take second fiddle, make sure I keep my job going.

But first fiddle is Pin and the Lawsuit.  Mom's health. And my tooth. It's all part of the plan. 

I am tired. No doubt about that. It's a hard thing to go to work at 51 and do a 1-hour metro transit twice a day.  But I am resolving my life without the Social Security Disability check, and that is actually pretty hopeful. It means I can survive the zombie apocalypse. It also does wonders for my peace of mind being able to pay the rent myself, with no need for the unpredictable social security check. But I am exhausted. And cranky.

My energy level affects my ability to do things like writing and painting. I have creative urges that go unanswered because I have no energy to work on them. But it's ok. I'm paying the rent.

Off to work in about 20 minutes. I have to buy some weed too. Allergies, a sore throat, and basically the great and all-powerful sloth of having to go to the office today, but now I have to work since my social security no longer covers our expenses here, and I am working for pesos, which means 1/10th of what I would earn in the states.

Weird.

In fact, if you look at the good side of all this, you realize that maybe what I needed was to get my ass off to work, and do something besides writing and smoking dope. Yeah, it's a physical thing, having to go downtown in Metro and coming back. One hour trip each way. So now I have to manage my time more productively, write what I have to write to have enough time to write it. Figure out the time for going to government offices and shit like that in a way that works within my work schedule.

The truth is that I wanted to work with ayahuasca to support myself and my family, and I ended up renting cars for a living. Practical, necessary stuff that I have to do.

So I got a job working for the Avis Budget Group in downtown Mexico City as a Telephone customer service representative. I get paid a little more for speaking English. $16 USD a day. The same job, in Texas, pays $15 an hour. But I guess Avis and Budget must keep their costs down by hiring Mexican slaves... Me. 

Como vender mejor mi producto? Cual es mi producto?

Pues de forma, el Ayahuasca, pero de verdad, el Tarot. Mi problema es basico: mis gastos son superiores a mis ingresos, y pues, como no puedo reducir los gastos, hay que reducir los ingresos.
Acabo de ver las siguientes paginas web para ver como ganar un poco de dinero extra:

skillshare.com
udemy.com
flippa.com
texbroker.com
clckbank.com
computrabajo.com

Veamos que hay ahi. No nececito mucho. Hace unos dias, Noehmi Ruth me consiguio $80 dollares de clientes pagando $20 dolares por lectura. Si puedo lograr eso cada semana, ya resolvi mis problemas economicos. Es cosa de buscarle. Lo que es perfectamente claro es que con mi puro seguro social no voy a poder mantener a 4 personas y 2 gatos.

De regreso de mi viaje a USA, enfermo, pero sanando, confundido, y sin muy claro camino de lo que sigue. Rasa esta viviendo con nosotros, y yo me siento extraviado. Como que hay mucho que necesito resolver y no estoy muy seguro como llegar ahí.

En efecto, lo que necesito es un nuevo plan  para salir adelante. Dinero me falto en este ultimo viaje y la razón es que no estoy produciendo nada. Y pues, que sigue?

Posiblemente, empleo. Vamos a ver. Unos 10,000 pesos adicionales podían cambiar nuestra situación bastante. Pero el tiempo que dispongo para eso es un problema real, y no me gusta que otra gente tome mi tiempo para ellos. Eso es lo que busco cambiar.

En fin, necesito empezar a ver opciones. Tal vez un part time.

Todo bien. Todo en camino, pero falta dinero.

Return to LA scheduled for 11 Dec.

So I got my ticket.
That always makes me nervous, getting my ticket. There is a finality to the matter, that cannot be taken back. In and out. Return to Mexico ASAP so mother does not do any more mad shit. I doubt if Nanda can handle her more than a few weeks. A couple of months at most.
Smoking more and better weed than I am used to.
Distractions. Mom asks me how I am going to make the surimi. I give her a Nicholson look and tell her not to bother me with that right now.
I open my blog when I want to write but I am not certain WHAT I need to write. Just writing for writing's sake. Getting my ideas into words.
Ideas into words.
I feel strange.
Like I need to be doing something, but I don't know what anymore.
Like there is a doom?
No.
Just .
Sapo.