Lazy monday before work

So, it's almost 9 am, and here I am, watching myself write. There is a general chaos, typical of a morning before work: I have to clean the cat litter, take out the trash, there are dozens of little projects, my garden needs water, etc. My primary objective is enjoying my coffee right now, checking my pressure. There is no sweet bread to eat, so I might go down and buy some.

I am worried about money. They took off one day and several hours from my job, and now I'm earning under 2k pesos per week, with a rent that is 4k per month. That means that if I don't find secondary sources of income, we are going to be eating rice and beans for a while, and that's no fun. 

Also, I have to think about going to the USA this coming month. I want to re-instate my SS money is possible, and make inroads to writing jobs like I used to have, although the whole Hollywood industry has changed.  My job suffices for what I am doing now, but not for what I want to do.

Mom's death took away the "emergency" of having to find cash, and the 18+ years took out my ambition to be wealthy. At 53 I am more concerned with my health and having enough time to write what I like to write. My dreams of a psychedelic clinic are all but quenched, and I realize that the important work I am doing is to help Rajasthali and Nandadulal get a life. What life expects them in a word full of pandemics and political madness? The best world I can create for them. All I have to give them is my own example. 

This year, with mother dying, it has been all about realizing my own limitations. I spent decades in a kind of narcissistic dream of how bad-ass I could be, and all the things I could accomplish. Now, I am looking back and realizing that I'm not that bad ass after all. Where is all the money? Where is all the fame and fortune? 

Mom's illness was so hard to take that all other desires were put into the backburner. All ambitions, business, concepts for making money, all of them were left behind, and what remained was what helped me support her during her death: telvista and renting cars. Now that is over and I have to consider that I have quite a few years left to better our situation somehow, but I have no clue how to do it yet. My YouTube channel is null. More a family channel to remember our days of old. My tarot shops are over. And Telvista takes so much time out of my hands that I have little time but to write, for instance, what I am feeling right now. So I have to create new projects, give them energy and time and make them work.  

We'll see.  For the moment, I have to think of Christmas and paying the rent on time.