Atlantis, Inner Earth, Ancient Occult Mysteries - ROBERT SEPEHR

Aless Rouseeau is off to play some music at the tianguis

I need to put water for a bath.  I am alone, and Russeau had a strange dream about me last night which we discussed intensely this morning. Nuff said about that. 

We are in a dream, and it's a dream about love, but we don't know how to wake up to the truth of that love. It curious. Everything is curious. 

 I can't even say it. Makkuro died. She died at the vet's. I couldn't let her die with me. But she died naturally. 

Spirit Science 6 ~ The Flower of Life (Remake)

Makkuro is Schrodinger's Cat between life and death

 

Makkuro's condition has become considerably worse. She hardly drinks water.  As she can not save herself from this disease, I have entered a weird kind of limbo with her. She is literally Schrodinger's Cat out of the box, neither living nor dead, but somewhere in between. What breaks my heart most of all is that she purrs when I lie with her on the bed. She peed herself, and the smell is pretty awful, but I have decided to cover it up with pinoil instead of changing the sheets because she is still neither dead nor alive, and she is not about to leave my bed any time soon. 

I had a series of visions where I ended her life myself to spare her suffering, and they were horrible. I can't bare to do that. I have done it before, with other cats, but not with Makkuro. She trusts me. 

And yet, she does not eat. She hardly drinks water. She is wasting away, with leukemia eating her from the inside out. She is almost all bones now.  I am taking her this morning to the Vet again. Having to dip into my credit card again. But there is nothing to be done. I can't stand to see her suffer. 

Feline Leukemia is terribly infectious, and I'm pretty sure Lucy is also infected. But Lucy seems okay.  Louis, the vet said taht somem cats reactdifferent to the condition. Lucy is just stronger. 

Makuro has blood cancer

Voy a llenar la casa de swastikas. Siempre me gusto pintar swastikas por todos lados, no estoy seguro porque, pero ahora que soy dueno de una casa, voy a asegurarme que pinte swastikas por todos lados. 

Makuro has lucemia,  a kind of feline blood cancer. She has been weak and whiny for a while now, and I thought I'd lost her when she went out and didnt' come back for a day or two, but she did return, and she was so skinny and fucked up I had to take her to the vet and give her some suero.

She is still not too good. Last night she fell from the top of the stairs, but it wasn't terrible. But the undeinable fact is that she is sick, and not going to get better. 

I have money problems.  I spent 5k on the ayahuasca (that never arrived and have to go get now) and 2k on a ticket for Ras that she didn't use. dSo I'm 7k n debt. Again. But I feel okay with that, I feel that life is giving me some challenges to get myself stronger.

I have been having some serious spidey-sense about doom and gloom, but I can't identify the source. Makuro's condition has made me very vunerable.

 

Happy birthday mom.

 A quiet day. The ayahuasca did not arrive, and I might have to go get it. It's odd. Grandmother Aya decides for herself or is there other agents trying to decide for her? In the end, I think it's her, she is controlling all this anyhow. 

Makuro is not well. I need to force-feed her or she will waste away. Lucy also looks a little tired, but nothing terrible. 

Aless Rousseau is... very much Rasasthali... She/He is going through what it must go through to understand itself.  I hope Grandmother Aya treats him/her well. 

In this state of my existence, everything I think tends to solidify into reality. This is the whole issue with the Dungeons & Dragons thing, Jenny is right. But whatever she might say, I must follow my heart and do what feels right to do. D&D feels right. It's the right game, and playing it is all about understanding God. 
 

I have to finish 20 pages today. It's lots of work and it will take most of the day, but I don't mind. It's a billionaire romance which I titled Christmas in Portland. I will make it not boring. Mostly, romances are boring. Writiting directly to the blogger slows down my computer. I''m going back to Fade In. 

 

Writing for others and writing for myself.

 

Feeling pressured to write for economic reasons does not allow time for the mind to find the best ideas. The best writing requires time. But the economic benefit of storytelling is adictive. Getting paid to write something creative has a special magic.

The "d" in my computer sticks. It slows everything down. And then there is a weird delay between what I write and ddwhat shows on my screen, on blogger anyhow.